Of Chest Pains and Uneasiness

The provident coincidence with which our politicians suffer from chest pains is legendary. Almost always immediately after a politician is arrested s/he is taken to a hospital post complaints of chest pain and uneasiness. I too would be uneasy if I were facing possible jail time, even if it was for a day. It is the ‘chest pains’ which gets my goat.

We really need a deeper look into this. Is it something all politicians eat, is it the ultra-white clothing, are the ambassadors they ride in ejecting fumes inducing chest pains or maybe it is that a politician’s body reacts to being out of work by an unbearable pain in the upper body area. Whatever it is we need to arrest this problem immediately. Not arrest maybe, just diagnose it. In a government hospital with friendly doctors.

People should not be surprised that our politicians suffer from endemic chest problems. In some cases a few politicians are handicapped by their lineage. Most politicians are either sons/daughters or in-laws of existing politicians. It is hard to escape the chest pain disease for these poor souls. Predisposed to similar working environs and moral fibre there is a very low statistical chance of escaping the common path a politician’s predecessors have been on. A few smart ones though, have found ways around the chest pain disease. They have managed to rise to positions where arrests and court cases mean nothing. Indeed, a select few do not even have to face such trivial procedures a democracy so uselessly subjects normal folk to.

A solution has to be found nonetheless. Politicians claiming to be suffering at the time of arrests should be made to undergo emergency medical procedures, like an open heart surgery or a brain transplant or something. The results will be fantastic! Not only would we have cured the illness that affects the existing lot vegetating in hospitals, the outcome of such procedures would deter others from feigning illness.  After all it is the duty of the nation to take care of the truly sick (minded).

Come to think of it, the earnestness with which we take care of our sick politicians might provide an answer to our health care problems. People who do not enjoy access to medical facilities should take to petty crime. All they have to do is wait to get arrested and then complain of chest pains. Voila! And they will be admitted to a hospital right away! I kid of course; but it is time we got serious about delivering justice and not looking like fools when it comes to investigating and prosecuting the high and mighty.