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Sunday, April 29, 2012

Sunday Blatherings

Helmets for Women

In line with our long standing tradition of making laws useless and subverting them to appease one section of the society or the other, Sheila Auntyji has pretty much rendered useless the transport department's written undertaking to the Delhi High Court on women compulsorily wearing helmets. Now we know she comes from a generation and class where she has not ridden on a two-wheeler, but surely she has enough brains to figure this one out. Or maybe no protective gear on her head all these years has made her brain soft.

In what started as an effort to not piss off the Sikh community once again, after the 1984 killings of men, women and children identified with the clothed version of the helmet, the same state government extended the undermining of the law to the women voters as well.

It is primitive, short-sighted, criminal and akin to a cult leader asking its member to commit mass suicide. Religious sensibilities and vanity apart, the law should be the same for all, especially in matters of life and death. The government will do well to ensure that it is at least seen as being concerned for our well being. If it means banning sikh drivers from operating two-wheelers, then so be it. I know it will cause a lot of furore in the country but it needs to be done. If it means women will have to figure out ways to adjust their dupattas or redo their hair after every trip on a motorbike, well it needs to be done.


Sachin as MP

My dad made me see the light on this one. For no explainable reason my first reaction to the nomination was one of disgust, mistrust and cynicism. Maybe it was the fear of seeing politicians call Sachin one of their own. Maybe it was the apprehension that he would truly begin to be identified by the company he is about to keep. Maybe I just did not want to see, the one hero this country has, who is loved and respected by all, enter that building teeming with the people we despise so passionately.

Everyone in this country thinks they own a part of Sachin, his legacy. They truly believe that he owes his continued service by scoring runs, by remaining apolitical, by being more identifiable with the public that loves him. But wait a minute. It is his life. If he chooses to accept a nomination to the Rajya Sabha that is his business. No matter if the government wants to delay the Bharat Ratna, no matter what their ulterior motives are. If this man can, in a split second decide where he is going to plonk a Shoaib Akhtar delivery, I am sure he has thought this one through too.

I am anyways more concerned about the fact that our president can nominate people to the upper house of the parliament. We treat it like an honorable posting, not as an office, which it essentially is. Anyhow, good luck to Sachin, and am glad that he improves the percentage of candidates in parliament who are literate and do not have criminal cases against their names.


 Mamata's (a) Cartoon

Miss Banerjee seems to have lost her wits. With the arrest of a professor who dared to publish and email a cartoon about her and the general going-ons in the Trinamool Congress, she has showcased yet again how much our politicians really hate democracy. With so much that is wrong with Bengal, it is amazing to me as a tax-payer, how she even gets the time to get agitated about something like this. Instead of arresting bad cartoonists and painting the city blue, she should re-read her campaign speeches for inspiration. Even though she came to power with great electoral success it will be advisable to focus on governance and not take the mandate for granted. Else in another 4 odd years she will be relegated to just political cartoons and not much more. And keeping up with the whole freedom of speech thing, here is the cartoon which made all the fuss. Please enlist your well read bengali friends for an accurate translation.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Banana Republic


 Today, the Maoists in Odisha (Orissa) produced abducted MLA; Jhina Hikaka in the ‘praja court’ (people’s court) for a hearing. Just a few facts before we go on:
·         Orissa is a state within India
·         It is 2012 A.D (some 60+ years since independence)
·         We have an Army

Now I don’t want to get into the reasons behind why the Maoists are protesting; the Indian government’s prolonged marginalization, skewed policies, the Maoists own primitive agenda, etc etc. I just want to highlight how inept and emasculated our government is. The Government of India, minus of course parts of Orissa, Andhra, all of North-east India, J&K…you get the picture.

An elected representative has been abducted and produced before a parallel court; while we struggle to get known criminals in our own courts. Maybe those little people in the jungles are onto something! However, on the day we are proudly showing off the Agni 5, we must zoom out from the farthest stretches of China and zoom in within our own boundaries.

To say that the Maoists are making the government look silly is not accurate; this government has done that enough times on its own. They (the Maoists) are however very ably pointing it out to the people and the world that we really don’t have a fully functional government or a working democratic setup. The powers that be have for long ignored the Maoist problem and the issues nudging them towards rebellion. There seems to be no shame, no sense of responsibility or duty to find a solution. The state government, in its selfishness has displayed an unmatched eagerness to capitulate; since we were made aware of Hansie Cronje’s decision to choose an alternate career.

It is not that this is the first time since someone of significance has been kidnapped. It definitely isn’t the last. But the governments at the centre and the federal level continue to operate on an ‘as and when it happens’ basis. There are no policies defining how to engage with Maoists or terrorists in case of abductions/hostage scenarios, there are no clear definitions of ‘no-go’ areas, there are any meaningful channels of communication with known aggrieved parties to avoid repetition of such acts in the future. The government continues to deploy armed forces to fight its own people. And people continue die on both sides. Imagine the frustration of a soldier deployed by the government to fight these people, when another arm of the establishment agrees to free 13 of those people. Makes one wonder, what is the point of deploying our forces in the first place?
Apart from some noises Dr. Singh and his predecessors have made at regular intervals about how the Maoist problem is the biggest threat to the nation, they haven’t done much else. We need to be focused on issues; affecting our own people at a daily level, rather than spending considerable effort and resources plotting foreign policy and shoring up defences to counter external strengths. It is imperative we have policies in place, a mechanism to engage the dissidents and a clear vision regarding what we want to make of the situation at hand. The way we function is absolutely clear that we haven’t given any thought, to quote Dr. Singh to ‘The single biggest internal security challenge ever faced by our country’. About time we give it thought and more.  Else the people’s court won’t stay limited to the jungles of our forgotten states. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Why I am not watching the IPL

One, because I am a cricket fan. Two because it sucks.  Big time. More so, with every progressing season. It represents everything that is wrong and right with India today. It mirrors fairly accurately the state of the Indian society, its polity. A country caught in the middle yet with its own very well defined extremities. Of the rich and the poor, of IPL and Hockey Leagues, new money and old crassness, new faces and the same behind the scenes people, new formats; same motives.

The genesis of the IPL lies not in some puritan endeavour to extend the reach of the sport or to help poor fast bowlers from Meerut. It lies in sheer Gordon Gekkoesque greed of the people who run cricket. From the very beginning the emphasis has been to maximize profits. Now don’t get me wrong. There’s nothing wrong in expecting a healthy return on equity and diversification of portfolios by the corporate czars who ‘own’ the many teams. But there is a lot which is wrong with single-mindedness of these people to expect a health return on equity and diversification of portfolios. The sport is just a means for their never-going-to-be-met-in-this-lifetime-ends. Cricket is just the vehicle for their trip into capitalist heaven.

What has happened in the process is that the sport in its truest form and the very essence of cricket has died. There is a reason why Americans don’t play cricket, its very nature repulses capitalists. What game played for 5 days on a stretch is going to be profitable? And therein lays the cause for my immense contempt for the IPL. The 20-20 format is still tolerable in small dosages, but you throw in TV stars anchoring shows, players being auctioned, slapped around and plastered across our screens every 6 balls, and you’ve taken the fun out of sport. It stops being a game, it transforms into a business plan. And then expansion plans kick in, like a new McDonalds opening up every month. It is just damn good business.

The sheer incompetence that mars so many aspects of Indian politics & business; extends to the IPL as well. Not surprisingly it is owned by the same people who run major political parties and conglomerates (the two increasingly becoming the same) and managed by their couldn’t-do-anything-on-their-own kids/wives. The owners of the various franchisees and their managements operate profit making business units; not teams. Everything is about raking in as much moolah as possible, performance be damned. This vaudeville that has emerged from the unholy mix of everything crass; sadly might be fit for a people collectively dumbing down; looking for quick-fix entertainment. But it does not make it right, in my view. While there are a few people who are genuinely interested in the cricket that is being played, for most it is an evening out, an alternate source of entertainment.

And while there is nothing wrong with it if people like it so, it is hurting the sport. And while evolution is inevitable, it is sad to see the game change in this manner. And while people might like Katy Perry, it makes me cringe when she asks Sachin Tendulkar, “so what position do you play”, because to her pink wig covered brain; soccer and cricket are the same.

Monday, April 2, 2012

The Month That Was


छोटे मुलायम बन गए मुख्य-मंत्री

अब गुंडों की रक्षा करेंगे सरकरी संत्री

राजा भईया बन गए जेलों के प्रधान

अब उनका काम हो गया बहुत आसान

बस फरक इतना है इस बारी;

अन्दर से नहीं बाहर से होगी गोला बारी



ममता ने बंद कर दिए अखबार

रेल बजट में भी मचा दी हाहाकार

डॉक्टर सिंह कभी थे इतने लाचार

मंत्री बदलने पढ़ गए उनको बार बार



गेनरल साब की नयी ललकार

फ़ौज से मिटायेंगे भ्रष्टाचार

देश नहीं लढाई के लिए तैयार

पुराने, ज़ंग लगे, हैं हथ्यार
अब नए असले के टेंडर निकलेंगे तीन चार

फिर lobbying, dealon की शुरू होगी मार


सचिन के हो गए पूरे सौ शतक

अम्बानी की पार्टी की कुछ ऐसी थी चमक

किसी को नहीं दिखे Mary Kom और Sarita Devi के स्वर्ण पदक



दिल्ली पोलीस ने फिर करदी हद्द

अपने लोगों की नागरिकता कर दी रद्द

चीनी राष्ट्रपति की रक्षा का ऐसा क्या craze?

भूल गए with you for you always